Note of Encouragement for Caregivers

Hello fellow caregivers! You are on a journey that not everyone will travel, and your journey is unique. I wanted to share a letter I wrote to myself that I thought might be helpful to you.

Dear Self,

I have a job of being a caregiver. It is hard. It is an honor and privilege, but it can be very hard.

I do not always feel like I am doing enough, can I do more? I must remind myself that I can only do what I am capable of. I do not know everything, nor can I physically do everything. Just because others think I can or need to do more, it does not mean that it’s right for me or my person.

I may have support at times from friends, family, and medical professionals but in the end, I have to make all the decisions. The decisions solely rest on me.

Because each journey is unique there is no one set path I will walk or one book or resource that can answer all the questions, fix all the problems, or provide the perfect treatment. I have no ability to predict the future. I do not know if I will make the right or wrong choice as something new arises. I don’t have the ability to try two paths and then pick the best one. All I can do is try what I think will be best and hope for a good moment, day, or even week.  

I will try hard to remind myself that there is not always a black or white decision. There are lots of gray areas that help us get through each new task or challenges that arise.

I need to remember it might be easier or faster for me to do things and make choices but my person with dementia was accustomed to making choices, use to makes choices, and I do not have complete control of what the day holds.

I need to give myself grace. I am human and have both good days and bad days. Some good days I have wonderful memories to cherish. On bad days I hope we all forget that I wasn’t my best self. I did the best I could in that moment and will do better next time. If I keep telling myself I did things wrong, I need to remind myself that I never set out to harm or do things wrong.  Emotions can take over even if I try not to let them.

I may have times I wish this journey was over. There never is a time when I truly mean that. I am tired, confused, and in pain when these thoughts arise. I need to take these thoughts and use them as a tool to remind me to take some time to reboot. I always want my person to be happy, healthy, and have the best quality of life.  

I need to let go of the guilt and thoughts that I could have done something better. Ruminating on this takes away from the joys that could be happening around me with my person. I will look for the smiles, glimmer in their eyes, or the simple touches.

I will struggle on this journey. I will persevere when I think I can’t. I will be patient and gentle with myself. I will take help whenever it is offered because I can’t and should not do it all. I will gift myself “me” time to take care of myself so I can take care of my person. I will make sure I have people around me who understand, give me grace, and can give me help when they are able.

I will do all of this. And I will do it every day, until I no longer need to do it anymore.

Love,
Myself